The Dreaded "First Day"

I have been dreading today for weeks and weeks. Today was my first day back to work which meant Harrison's first day in Day Care. As most parents will tell you, Day Care is harder on the parents then on the child and I whole heatedly agree. I scouted out a great Day Care near the house and made a couple visits before enrolling him and Harrison and I hung out there for an hour last week - so I was well aware that he was going to be in good hands. That said, I have admittedly had a couple crying bouts as I didn't know how I was going to be able to leave him.

I put off going to bed Sunday night in a futile attempt to keep Monday away. It may have been the best thing though because I over slept my alarm by 75 minutes which meant I had to run around to get out of the house and get to work on time; luckily I had set the alarm a little extra early so it all worked out ok and I had prepped all the bags I needed the night before. Since I was in such a hurry, I didn't have time to fret over Harrison so it kept me sane. The worst part for me was that he was still asleep when I left so I didn't get to kiss him goodbye :(

Michael has been great as we have been working through this process. Harrison still wakes up around 3-4am and Michael is now the one getting up to feed him so I can sleep since I get up earlier. This morning he sent me a text message and called to tell me that Harrison did great at Day Care and asked about my well being. This made me feel good about the situation and since I was only working a half day I was looking forward to getting off early and picking him up.

When Michael got home around 5 he admitted to me that he nearly cried when he dropped him off...Harrison started crying and the teachers were finishing up with a couple other babies so they were letting him cry (not a bad thing) but poor dad felt awful about it so he ran over and picked him up to calm him down. It made me cry when he told me about it! I was little mad tat he lied to me but it was really the right thing as I didn't need to break down crying at work. We agree that there was nothing bad about the situation, we just feel sad and guilty leaving him there... it's insane how much you love your kid!

My first day of work was easy. Everyone was happy to see me and the work load was light; I deleted 3800 emails that somehow were in my Inbox (one would think they would shut it down when you are out on leave!). Someone had left some flowers for me on my desk, but there was no note or card and I never figured out who left them! I will need to do some sleuthing tomorrow to properly thank that kind soul. I still worry about working as i think I will be gone before Harrison wakes up in the morning and then will only have a couple hours with him in the evening before bed time. How does a mom go from 24/7 to 3 hours each weekday? I know people do it and I am thankful to have a great job, but I'm just not sure how I will get by mentally and emotionally...